I suffer from withdrawal symptoms due to not having posted anything since the last few days. Perhaps that is an indication that I must write! With nearly every other conversation with every other person revolving around the pleasant showers we are experiencing in Bangalore since the last three days, I think I must type my thoughts on it too. I resisted temptation to put up a status message on Facebook for the same, since it was flooded with similar messages. And apparently, around Sarjapur side of town it flooded a bit too. Nothing to be alarmed, not a new story for anyone who is now seasoned to a bought of rains in Bangalore.
I recall an article I wrote for the school newspaper in the 9th grade. It was the monsoon season, and ten years ago, it was bountiful,predictable and still capable of creating a havoc (although this one time our exams were cancelled due to it, for which we thanked the rain gods ). The content would not have to be altered much to suit the present day, as I still crave to eat those very items – samosas, boiled corn, the company of my cycling buddies, the appreciative sounds from my folks as they sip on a hot beverage of their preference. But somethings have changed ten years since that post. My folks may or may not be around, or those cycling buddies. But great weather somehow stirs the poetic soul of mine, and I simply long for the company of a particular someone. There is something about fantastic weather which simply should not be experienced alone. There was this one fantastic evening in June, 2008, when I was in a park with my Grandad and my Networks notes. I was in the 6th semester of college, and I needed a change in scene to revise better. There had been a pleasant shower just before we stepped into the park, and lo and behold! There was a dazzling rainbow too! I still have a photo of it somewhere, clicked on my K790i, but I cannot locate it now, besides, it did not do justice to how beautiful it looked. But I can close my eyes and instantly be transported to how I felt. I had this longing for the presence of my cycling buddies, namely K and V. I equate a huge part of my childhood to these two, and there is no one else on the planet who knows how much we enjoyed the sounds of a basketball dribbling on a wet basketball court, a slight chill in the air, a glorious rainbow overhead, which you’d notice only when you send the ball soaring in the skies (and hopefully into the basket). But at the same time, I inexplainably felt this longing for this person I was crushing on. It was an intense feeling, that the happiness I had in my heart due to the weather would be complete only if I shared it with him. I just had to text him! I wrote something rather intense and tried to sound all nonchalant in the end of the text stating that a cloud above was shaped like a bum. It was actually a very sweet exchange, I can recollect the exact words. I can smile myself silly to this day at that recollection. In the four years that we dated, there were days with lovely weather, but not one as distinctly glorious as the day I realized that I had fallen in love with him.
A bunch of my friends and I have a private joke going on about good weather “awesome mausum” all thanks to one recent, mutual day of weather admiration that lead to a midweek night out, and tremendous sleep deprivation the next morning for most of the people involved. But the spontaneous manner in which we met up that evening, at odd hours and even stranger transport arrangements, piping hot kachoris (that S and I did not get to eat, sadly) and ginger or elachi tea, a few rounds of Table Tennis, a long convincing session as to why we must not waste any hours of the wonderful night sleeping, then heading over to R’s place, A cooking scrambled eggs with toast at 2 in the morning, watching Delhi Belly, sleeping a few winks and then prank calls to other friends the next morning, followed by breakfast at McDonalds. Eventful, all instigated by excellent Bangalore weather. We were filled with mirth at being in each other’s presence, the wonderful feeling that is simply attributed to “being with friends”. Funnily enough, I don’t think we spent much time actual being outdoors to enjoy the weather, but it served as great pretext. This group has taught me that any plan that is planned, never works out and that obscurity and spontaneity reign supreme. Plans that emerge from such “lack of planning” are invariably the ones you enjoy the most. Cheers to that!
Now when Bangalore was enjoying respite from the heat a few days ago, I found myself with a cup of hot chocolate on my balcony, the sources of light being the occasional thunder and my phone’s screen glowing. After deliberations with myself and my darn feelings, I’d pinged the person I was so longing for to be with me in my balcony. Sharing the same feeling of wind in the hair, the silent, but loud, long glances at each other, the blush of the cheeks due to those glances, only to be calmed by the slight sprinkle of the rains, the aroma of the wet earth hitting us and intoxicating us in a manner no spirit ever could. I am trying so hard to come back to ground zero after having taken that leap of faith. There’s nothing too splendid about unrequited love. It’s a bitch, for the most part. For the rest, it gives you a validation that yes, your heart that was horribly broken before, its mending enough to feel this way for another person. There could have been many things I would have advised my heart+brain before it took this plunge – wear a parachute! Make sure he’s worth your love! Make sure it’s for keeps this time around! HA! That sound you all heard? Was me laughing at the sheer stupidity of even suggesting those things. Falling in love is not a calculated move. It an absolute gamble, where you are always playing blind. And as much as you might tell yourself that there are many fascinating fish in the sea, there’s just this darn one tugging so hard at my string. This one’s sometimes swimming far away, sometimes drowning me with his affectionate looks, then quite literally making me drown in my own questions about HOW I should feel about him. But I smile at this roller coaster of emotions. I smile at that silly being who has plunged me into this confusion. I smile, for I know that it’s a farce, I know I am in love with him. While I would love to see that smile mirrored on that beautiful face, lit up by the flashes of light, moistened by the rains; or not see it at all, because I would have my face buried in an embrace; it’s okay, I tell my heart. We’re healing, that’s all that matters. But darn you, Bangalore showers!
PS: this post was in my draft for quite a while, we are feeling the oppressive heat again. The beverage has changed in my hands, but the desire – has not changed a bit. I have no photo to dazzle a reader with, but then again, its the heart that “captured” the rains, not a camera lens!
Aino SOMEthing(s) - A Cannonade of Cuckoo 